Does Love Hurt?

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“Everyone says love hurts, but this is not true. Loneliness hurts, rejection does, losing someone too.  Everyone confuses these things with love but in fact love is the only thing that covers all the pain and makes us feel better again”

Since we’re still in February, the month of love 😍 it wouldn’t be out of place to say this right here.

Tonight i was laying on my bed and reminiscing about things that should have, would have and ought to be, then comes this question, is love actually a thing that hurts? What exact power does love have to cause pain to so much people.

When Christ gave up his life for love, it took away all the pain and gave us hope for a better life, so the first thing you must know, if it hurts, it probably isn’t love.

So, the media feeds us with ideas that love is mysterious and important, anything you do could be excused on the basis of ‘the sake of love’, and is not subject to control, you can’t control it. This isn’t love but infatuation. Knowing the difference between love and infatuation can keep you from making life long mistakes.

Infatuation is mostly :

ATTRACTION

It’s cliché to say that beauty is on the inside and one shouldn’t fall in love for looks, but unfortunately, clichés shape our life.  If your attraction to a person is her smile, or his laugh, the way she talks, the way he walks, this is probably infatuation, only few exceptional love stories start this way (Ok it almost never happens).
If you think it’s love, ask yourself the pertinent question, ‘Would you like the way they look, thirty years from now?’

SPEED

There is no such thing as love at first sight, this is only an advertising technique sold by the media (Repeat! It’s a trap!). However, there is a thing as infatuation at first sight and is more rampant than not.  Once, the attraction i had for a guy i dated was his position in his department and school media outlets (i mean, who wouldn’t? Don’t judge me!) Need i say, this didn’t last long, as quickly as i fell in love, i fell out of it when i met someone who i assumed was better (now, that’s a story for another day). 

GIVING TOO MUCH

Infatuation creates the spirit of dedication and giving so much in most modern day relationships. Many times, people hang onto abusive and pointless relationships because they have given so much, it is practically a social shame to walk away. I don’t claim to be a love doctor but take this from me, if you give your all into a relationship built on infatuation, chances are you would be exploited and taken advantage of.

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People have given their money,body and time into relationships with the wrong people or by reason of not wanting to hurt someone, refuse to let go.

Sometimes, people stay in relationships where they are practically dating themselves (ouch!).

Remember, If someone wants you, they would put effort and fight for you. If this isn’t happening, it’s time to let go.

SECURITY

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Temporary happiness isn’t worth long term pain. Infatuation gives temporary happiness until you realize they probably will never love you the way you do, them, sometimes they don’t know you exist and are already in a relationship. This  hurts but when love bites, it is very possible to move on. As a long-term survivor, i can safely tell you that at this moment you feel you could die and probably would swear not to love again but feeling the pain is the only true way to move on.
Remember, they probably are not the one. God would say no to a lot of people to say yes to that one person. Never give up! It doesn’t make you a lesser person than you are.
  Love yourself first, people will only love you first to the extent to which you love yourself.

Trust that someday, someone attractive  will walk up to you and you’ll know why it had never worked with anyone else. 

Yours Truly

#OneNigerianGirl

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