why, Feminism? 

​You know i used to think society did good work with our generation and we’d turn out better than our predecessors. Well,it looks like the apple didn’t fall so far from the tree and we still have a long way to go with gender equality and all that brouhaha. 

 It’s quite bothersome that this generation has lost focus of what the struggle Is actually about… Scratch that, they have absolutely no clue, never did. It’s  ‘awesome’ – and i say this with all sarcasm in me, that when the subject ‘Gender Equality’ comes up, this generation still sees things in black and white. 

 I’ve heard statements like,  “Why do women fight for equality? When a woman hits a man, she’s called brave, and when a man does it, he’s a beast. Why does the man pick the bills after every date? . Women can call each other sweet names but men can’t? ” 

A certain colleague once asked me to appraise the above opinion. I had a lot to say, actually. I could have said,

“Women do not hit men, unless in self defense, as bogus as this statement might be, with exceptions of course, we all know  99.9% of the time, it’s men hitting and killing women – domestic violence, so a woman that hits a man is indeed brave, if you’re in context. About a man paying for a date, this line from  Karmin’s ‘Acapella’ – “Daddy said never go dutch on the buffet” comes to my head. This has nothing to do with gender, it’s simple logic, if you ask me out on a date, you WILL pay,(Yes! I put that in caps, come and beat me), if i ask you out, i pay.
 Simple logic!
 How do you drag me out of the house and expect me to pay for your meal? How about stay at home and keep the change bae? If you can’t afford a date, don’t ask a girl to come out, then drag gender equality into it. What if she wanted to stay home and watch rerun episodes of Empire? Nah, all you think about is yourself. Then, women calling themselves sweet names and men can’t?… This is the point i roll my eyes. 

  You see, i could have told this colleague of mine that gender equality is more about equal pay, equal rights, employment, education and overall women empowerment and not who gets to pay for your food, or if you can call your brother baby, but then,someone that’s myopic enough to see things this way would be blind to the bigger picture. 

 I told him i didn’t bother with gender issues, hence i had nothing to say. You see, he actually wanted to drag me into a drawn out argument, then bring up the feminism topic, i was going to avoid that because a lot of men try to discredit feminism without understanding it, i wasn’t going to give him the chance. 

  Obviously feeling quite defeated from not being able to drag me into an argument, he threw another shot, telling me he was impressed and that i sounded like someone that wanted to get married someday.

Tf was that? 
I was as stupefied as you reading this, so i asked him what he meant and he said i was less opinionated and it was a good thing because men hate opinionated women. 

At this point, i lost it, but then, I’m the three C’s woman, and with all the calmness in me, i told him i was still very much opinionated, just not with him, flipped my hair and walked right out of the conversation. 

 Now, this guy was barely 19 but he felt like he knew the criterion for marriage,what women should be,what women should do, because he’s a man.

 I’m not bothered for myself, because i have totally no interests in this colleague of mine,goes without saying that a 19yr old cannot marry me and should instead save the marriage counseling classes for the unfortunate fellow he would end up with.

 No, that’s not why I’m bothered,what bothers me is that this fellow has four sisters and still regards women as second class citizens.

  That is why, when we talk gender equality, this myopic generation forgets the 13year old married off in the north because the Constitution allows it, the 7 month old baby raped by a relation and nothing is done about it, the woman beaten by her husband and the police tells her it’s a family issue, they can’t wade into it, that she should bridle her tongue.

 No, all this generation thinks about is how women should not be opinionated, how men should not rise up to their duties,how we should let a man be lazy and not take care of his family because women are wired to be understanding and struggle with you so as not to look materialistic. So, when you ask, “Why, feminist?”, this is why. 

  In the words of Chimamanda Adichie,  “The type of man who would be intimidated by me is the type of man i have no interest in”. So, if the opinions of a woman intimidates you, there are lot of less opinionated women, go to where they are and pick one, but you see, men go after the ‘feminists’, the ‘Margaret thatchers’ and expect to miraculously subdue her. It’s like dating a black girl and telling her to bleach because men like fair women. 

  What’s the point? 

3 thoughts on “why, Feminism? 

  1. Lemme just get this out of the way *Yaaaaaas!!* it’s a breath of fresh air that at least 1 person has the same notion towards feminism these days bcos at times I feel the founding mothers might be tossing and turning in their graves to see what it has become. The whole entire point of it has been left aside and struggles of who will pay the bill is more important. Really? (BTW gurrl!! You couldn’t have said any better). Domestic abuse is still rampant, myopic minded men like the one mentioned still roam about and of course girl on girl hate is prominent so truly why feminism? 👏👏👏👏 beautiful piece


  2. Nicely written..this whole “feminism” issue has been misconstrued by our society. i wish people would really see things from a clearer perspective…i understand that it is a man’s world(supposedly) but women should also be respected.


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