See, during the rainy season, school is something else and mosquito infestation is just the beginning. I did tough guy for as long as I could but when the mosquitoes started giving me scars and injuries from the itch, I decided to get rid of them once and for all.
So, this fateful evening, I set off, down the lonely pathway connecting my lodgings to civilization. No one actually went out a lot because of how lonely and dangerous the roads could get.
I had gone quite a bit of a distance when I noticed someone behind me. I feigned ignorance and continued my journey, until he tapped me.
“Hey, are you a law student? You look familiar”
In my mind, I’m all, is this one new pickup line? You look familiar ti bawo?
Instead, I say
“yeah, I am. Any problem? “
“Nothing really. I’m just bored to death here and I saw you passing by from where I was and you looked familiar… “
“errrm… okay…. ..? “
“So, where are you headed? “
“Going to get mosquito killer. It’s war on them tonight “
He laughed and said he had sniper at his place. I was all, okay good, I’m happy for you and your yard people. Then he was all, let’s just turn back, so you save money. I said I was almost at my destination and he insisted that he ran all the way just to catch up with me, the least I could do was grant him this.
Now, I’ll tell you I wasn’t thinking but that’s probably bullshit and I’m advising you right now, don’t engage strangers like this, it could go both ways, but that’s beside the point. I was all, Okay, I can see my house from here and he’s a fellow counsel, even if I had never seen the face before, no harm, right? Plus he followed me all the way here, A for effort, right? Plus, I save money. Then there’s the thing they say about the stubborn fly. There’s that
When we got to his junction, I stopped by the suya stand and told him to go get it, I’ll wait there. Ladies and gentlemen of the Internet, you would not believe how things escalated from 0 to 100 real quick. He asked me what I meant by that. I was all, I said what I said, go to your house, I’ll just be here, you won’t even be a minute.
“see, I don’t understand you girls. What are you thinking? Why do girls behave like this”
“Can’t blame us. We were trained not to talk to strangers or follow them home. “
“I feel so embarrassed and insulted right now. Did you just call me a stranger?”
Rolls eyes in head
se o ti ya werey ni? It’s like this one hit his head on cement before he came out.
“yeah, I don’t know you, I just saw you like right now, so..? “
“I see you are emotionally unstable. I have integrity, nothing is going to happen to you in my house. “
W-wait! Hold up one second, back the bleep up bro. This was funny till about two seconds ago
“you know what? Imma just head right back where I’m coming from, this is beginning to get extra and I don’t … “
“Don’t dare walk out on me, I see you must be so full of yourself… “
Aaaalright blaad! Goodbye! Rest in Peace!
That was when It hit me that I had been listening to this the whole time, when I could have walked away. I don’t know what he said next because I never turned back. aboki just dey look us like sey na film
Guys, I legit was shook. I did not believe what just happened and next, my fingers were flying and I texted my girls.
“you guys won’t believe what the subterfuge just happened…. And I don’t know the meaning of subterfuge… “
It was major crayy. Like, during the walk to his area, I ignored the tiny hints, just to be polite. He started with telling me he’s in his finals, he’s a land agent and was a politician also (In retrospect, I now realize anybody can be a land agent, Omo nile too na land agent. Also, it doesn’t take much to be a politician, just be a noisemaker and you’re in the right direction)
Did I know he would be actively involved in the 2019 elections? Cool bro, good for you. When I was not cooing in delight, my mind being on the mosquitoes I was going to fight, he changed topic from listing his achievements to telling me how he wanted to marry a lawyer and I should feel honored if he picked me. Wrong move! Checkmate!
Guys, I legit thought it was funny. Like, a total stranger telling you to feel honored if he was to pick you to wife up. I laughed loud, long and didn’t say anything. I didn’t see the point. I wanted to say that, he was the wrong body shape, face, age and everything else I wanted in a man – and I def. do not want to add a Nigerian lawyer to the mix, their ego is for days. He looked like my older brother and I looked like the surprise child his parents had in their 90s. But I didn’t say that, I didn’t see the point. I tend to let these kind of people wallow in their ignorance and bashful pride.
He went on to say how women were more than men and…. Bro, I don’t even know your ratchet ass and you’re pulling a God’s gift to women on me. Guys, it was funny as hell and I was not even going to start going Chimamanda Adichie on him. I didn’t want to waste all her wisdom on him. This, was a lost soul.
Like I said, I hit my girls up and they were all, I hope you know you just killed someone’s konji dreams like right now. He was bored- lonely and thought you’d follow him to his house to do, you know what.
It didn’t even occur to me that I just escaped a likely rape situation. One where world people would ask me what I went there to do. This legit brings to table, the question why men are pressed when you refuse to visit them at home. Like, legit full blown offended. I can’t even make this up.
I would really have been gone because of 200 Naira I wanted to save.
Don’t do this at home!
Update : Now I drafted this like in April or may, was it? It’s been that long, but in the time that passed, I’ve seen him on the road and twice he’s apologized and tried to start conversation again. I’ve forgiven him (lol) but I didn’t stop for anything, ahead ahead . You never know how the story could go, so best be careful. It’s a dog eat dog world out there.